Wednesday 6 July 2011

Asharif




A story from the book, The Royal Bank of Stories, available from Amazon.

In the boat with Asharif are three very wealthy and elegantly dressed people. The man has a grand hat and many layers of flowing robes, while the women are dressed in much lace and silk, with delicately embroidered parasols.

As Asharif rows, he doesn't think about the disparity between these sophisticated people, with their fine talk and smooth skin, and his own blunt manner and blistered hands. These people of high standing may be comparing their impeccably buckled shoes with his bare feet, their flowing garments with his tattered shirt and shorts, the large jewels on their fingers with his broken and dirty fingernails. Asharif could have looked at these outer differences if he'd chosen, but his interest was in that which lay beneath the human veneer. This is why these people chose his above all the other water taxis.

Some of the other water taxis were very beautiful craft, with brightly coloured paint in intricate patterns and scrolling words. Some gleamed in the bright sunlight and were decorated with streamers, bells and garlands of flowers. Many of the taxi-men wore what we might call uniforms - smart clothing of particular colours and patterns that matched their boats. Most of them were well groomed and, despite the hard physical work, kept themselves very clean. Many of them practised speeches and phrases and were able, after some time, to imitate the language, tone and gestures of their educated customers.

There was, it seemed, a common idea that the cleaner, smarter and more clever you were, the more customers you could get, enabling you to make enough money to sell your boat and live in a manner that more closely resembled your customers. It was not possible, of course, for taxi-men to ever become society-men, for the brand of their birth could never be erased or exchanged. However, a taxi-man could always, with foresight, perseverance and ingenuity, become a manservant or horseman - positions which meant less physical work and more contact with the "people of society". Somehow, the unspoken belief was that the more contact one had with people of society, the more likely one could become one - almost as if their wealth, silks, jewels and powders would rub off. It never did but all lived in hope.

For the society people, there was an unspoken belief that the less contact one had with the "lower elements of society", the less chance one had of becoming (at least fractionally) like them. Most society people, then, chose the more colourful craft and the most "cultured" taxi-men.

So why did this unkempt Asharif prosper so much? In a tidy-but-unpainted boat, in purely functional and slightly tattered clothes and with an accent and manner quite unchanged from birth, he should have been the poorest of the taxi-men. But he wasn't. Further, instead of actively engaging his customers in bright and enthusiastic conversation, he assiduously avoided saying anything unless asked to do so. Yes, he was polite, but it was as if he didn't care. And yet, through the layers of cosmetics, jewellery and clothing that surrounded and protected these society people, some particular ones among them felt that he actually cared more than anyone else they knew. While Asharif's outer appearance and behaviour belied his caring, it was plainly evident to a small number of them.

Obviously, most society people would choose not to travel with Asharif, the plain and sullen one and, initially, he sat at the wharf for hours while the more splendid craft plied their trade with vigour. This seemed not to bother Asharif, who simply sat and waited, as if knowing of some divine event on its way. Then, once in a while, a society-person or group, feeling a little adventurous, would deliberately choose the taxi that no one else would, perhaps hoping to have more to boast about than others of a more conservative nature.

Most of these adventurous passengers had a need of noise, hustle and bustle. Asharif's silence would unnerve them and they'd have to fill the space with chatter. Eventually they'd have to risk the taboo of talking to the lower people - they'd comment on the weather or some other irrelevancy and he would nod and, maybe, smile. If nothing needed to be said, he said nothing. In desperation they would (in their need to fill the silence with noise) ask a question which he would have to answer.

So, after deep thought (as deep as they were capable) they might ask a question about marriage and Asharif would tell them that the man they were about to marry was actually in love with another particular lady (who he'd name) and that their impending marriage would last 3½ years and end in bankruptcy and misery. Or they might ask something about politics and he'd tell them who the next Shamir (or Governor) would be, what he would do and what effect that would have in their businesses. Or they'd ask about health and he'd reassure them that their father's terrible illness would soon be gone and that full health would be restored in seven weeks, if they administered a particular herbal concoction to him.

Whatever subject they alluded to, he would know, somehow, of their personal concerns and future and, without discrimination, he'd simply give the facts. As time went by, they realised that he was never wrong. In time he came to be respected, though many first thought of him as a charlatan and felt bound to test him. He never faltered and his answers were equally caring, dispassionate and accurate for all questioners, no matter how cynical, aggrieved or wide-eyed they were.

Without looking, it was as if he could see into their hearts and know the real questions they were afraid to ask. Then, in the same way, he seemed able to look into their souls and their futures and give answers from the heart of one who was incapable of judgement. He seemed unable to judge people by their dress or behaviour, and unable to judge the impact of that which he told. As a messenger, he dispassionately delivered his messages with no thought of softening or "adjusting" them to the sensitivity of the listener.

And yet there came with these (sometimes) harsh messages, an overwhelming sense of caring and compassion. Even the most difficult-to-swallow pills were rendered sweetly edible. Though he volunteered no advice, if a wise questioner asked for advice around his or her future, the counsel was ever wise and reassuring.

By attraction rather than advertising, then, Asharif became a very busy man. Though he might have rowed all day, he always had time for another customer - his energy was boundless. Sometimes he would be spared that hard work as a customer, trying to get to the bottom of a major problem, would ask him to stop rowing and to simply advise. Often this plain craft could be seen quietly drifting with the tide while the more garish and noisy taxi-men ploughed through the water with great gusto and a little envy.

And, in the middle of the harbour, bobbing in the wake of other water traffic, large amounts of gold and jewels would be proffered in grateful thanks for the knotty problem solved. Asharif never refused these gifts, accepting them with the same simple "thank you" that accompanied the compliments for him. He did, however, turn down other offers. Sometimes he would be offered a position as an advisor for a nobleman and, always, he'd decline. It was as if he wanted to remain available to all, without discrimination - to be the exclusive property of one (no matter how wealthy) was not his way.

At times, an astute observer might see a thankful customer alight from the humble craft and know that changes were afoot. Within a week the people would be astounded at the brilliance of some political or business initiative, and all their lives would be enhanced a little. While the masses would shower this ingenious politician or businessman with their approval, two or three people would smile and nod to each other, knowing where the seed of the progressive changes really started. Asharif was never acknowledged for his part in any of the happenings and one suspects that's how he would have wanted it.

He plied his trade untiringly, provided his truth when asked, accepted that which his customers offered, offended no one and remained in the simple integrity of who he really was. A more innocuous man could not be imagined and all who knew him well, grew to love him.

For some reason, though, some were not happy with him. Many speculated on whether it was a jealous taxi-man, a jilted lover, a dishonest politician or a greedy businessman, but we'll never know the real culprit. An uproar ensued after his boat was found floating in the middle of the harbour. On closer inspection, his body was found face-up, with his arms and legs nailed to the wooden seats, while his craggy and serene face smiled at the peaceful sky above. Several official inquiries were instigated but no offenders were discovered, though two taxi-men and three politicians were found to have left the city abruptly.

There was a mass wailing for the loss of this simple man and different groups began to frantically create books from the words that had been remembered from his boat trips. There was, of course, bickering between these groups of Asharifts (as they called themselves) as to who was the authentic group and who had the most accurate accounts of his life. That bickering continues today and while they may focus on proving themselves the most righteous and the chosen ones, they forget that whatever version of the Asharif story is believed, it provides a profound understanding of life and it enables many confused, pained and anxious people to realize the power and beauty they have within.

Strangely, his death meant that he now lives eternally, forever carrying people across the harbour of their doubt and fear, to the safe harbour of their peace, joy and acceptance.

Thursday 23 June 2011

Where Our Words and Phrases Come From

There is an old Hotel/Pub in Marble Arch, London, which used to have a gallows adjacent to it. Prisoners were taken to the gallows (after a fair trial, of course) to be hung. The horse-drawn dray, carting the prisoner, was accompanied by an armed guard who would stop the dray outside the pub and ask the prisoner if he would like one last drink.  If he said yes, it was referred to as one for the road.  If he declined, that prisoner was on the wagon.

They used to use urine to tan animal skins, so families used to all pee in a pot and then once a day it was taken and sold to the tannery. If you had to do this to survive you were piss poor, but worse than that were the really poor folk, who couldn't even afford to buy a pot, they didn't have a pot to piss in and were the lowest of the low.
        
The next time you are washing your hands and complain the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be. Here are some facts about the 1500s: 

1. Most people got married in June, because they took their yearly bath in May and they still smelled pretty good by June. However, since they were starting to smell, brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odour. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.
        
2. Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, don't throw the baby out with the bath water!
        
3. Houses had thatched roofs, thick straw piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs and other critters) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying it's raining cats and dogs. There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.
         
4. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt floors. Hence the saying, dirt poor. The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet, so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on they added more thresh until, when you opened the door, it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entrance-way. Hence a thresh hold.
      
5. In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight, then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme: Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot, nine days old'.  Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special ...
        
6. When visitors came over they would hang up their bacon, to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could, bring home the bacon. They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around talking and chew the fat.
        
7. Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning and death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.
         
8. Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or the upper crust.
        
9. Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a wake. 
        
10. England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people, so they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a bone-house and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, thread it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the graveyard shift) to listen for the bell; thus someone could be, saved by the bell or was considered a dead ringer. 

So now you know ...

Thursday 9 June 2011

2012 Has Passed Us By – We Missed It!

A writer once said, “I love deadlines; especially that whooshing sound as they go by!” Well, the deadline of 2012 has snuck by us all without a murmur, without a whoosh. Despite the thousands of people making predictions (and the millions following those predictions) about all sorts of mind-shifts, natural disasters, magnetic gymnastics and spiritual hoopla sometime in 2012 – some say July, some say December – a massive shift has already occurred and we’ve missed it … a whooshless shift that fooled us all.

Let me explain with two business examples and an educational one:

Jamsetji Tata was denied entry to a grand English-owned hotel in his hometown of Bombay, because he was an Indian. So incensed, he determined to build his own hotel, better than the English one, and he did – the Taj Mahal Hotel in Bombay, which opened for business in 1903 and which is far grander than the one he was ousted from. Today, his legacy includes, among other massive institutions, Tata Motors Ltd which is now the world’s largest automobile manufacturer. The company is also the world's fourth largest truck manufacturer, the world's second largest bus manufacturer, and employs 24,000 workers. The English were the ruling class for a time but other nations have eclipsed that domination … many people have not noticed the change.

Many massive, global companies like Ibis Hotels (which are currently opening seven hotels a week) and Travelodge have stopped any new investments in the no-growth areas of Europe and America while they pour billions into new projects in the expanding economies of China, India and Africa. China, the wealthiest nation in the world, is currently pouring billions a day into Africa, the fastest growing market in the world.

I currently teach in an Iranian university, based in Oxfordshire, England. My students – Indians, Bangladeshis and Pakistanis – already have bachelors and masters degrees. They are already well qualified but the status of an “Oxford Education” brings them here. They arrive with high hopes of an education and an establishment so much more glorious than the one they left. Their hopes are soon dashed as they are forced to study in an old, cold building that, in any civilized country, would have been pulled down long ago. The English education system, so attached to its former glory and unable to embrace a new millennium, is a huge disappointment for these hope-filled people who have come from the massive, progressive universities of their homelands.

You see, over the past 1,000 years the West has held sway. The Romans ruled 1,000 years ago, the Italians in the 1300’s, The Spanish in the 1500’s, the French in the 1600’s, The English in the 1800’s, the Americans in the 1900’s and now … well, right now, our necks have been so kinked, looking back at America, that we haven’t noticed the shift right in front of us … the shift to Africa and Asia.

Once we recognize and accept the shift in the area of world domination, we’ll start to recognize other whooshless shifts that have already happened while we weren’t looking – shifts in our minds, our emotions, our finances, our communities. So, if you feel a bit shifty, just know that a silent whoosh just passed you by. Smile and enjoy it.

Sunday 29 May 2011

I’m Losing Interest In Life (as we know it, Jim) – Whoopee!!

The joy of travel is losing its attraction which is the greatest news I’ve ever given myself.

Now, I know we’re in Britain, the land of flat sameness – pretty green fields, little woods, stone walls and crumbling buildings. The most exciting landscape in Britain is the Lakes District which they crow about incessantly. However, to a New Zealander, a few lakes and hills is as ho hum as it gets. However, sameness or diversity is not the issue here.

It’s not only the landscape that’s losing its appeal – most of life is losing its appeal and that is the greatest news of all. Yep, you guessed it – I’ve lost it! Me, the chap who has run AIDS workshops in South Africa, who has taught stock-whip and ridden camels in Australia, who has been an estate manager and teacher of wealthy Africans, Indians and Bangladeshis in England, who has been an accountant, receiver and TV actor in New Zealand, who has written ten books and who has done dozens of fascinating things, is losing the interest for life. The chap who has not lived in one house for more than two years, in the last 18 years, is starting to see no value in the vast variety of a vibrant life well lived. I’m not losing the will to live – just the will for life.

“And that’s good news?” I hear you ask. “The poor silly sod’s depressed, got Alzheimers, lost his mojo and/or blown his foo foo valve!”

Okay, okay, you may be right. However, let me explain from the perspective of two similar journeys.

In June 2009 Anna and I went to Wales for three days. We had no plans – just set off and see where the car would take us. It was so refreshing to be in the Brecon Beacons, so different from England’s green and pleasant flatness. Real bush (not just scraggy woodlands), mountain streams (well, big-hill streams, really) and we ended up at a lovely B&B that was booked out but we got in anyway. We bumped in and chatted with some fascinating people, chanced on many beautiful coincidences (if such things exist) and returned happy in the thought that we had “done” Wales.

Then, in May 2011, we decided on another three-day trip to Wales – to Tenby, a beach-front town in Pembrokeshire in the south of Wales. As we parked our car at the B&B, on the first day, it blew its foo foo valve and had to be towed home the next day by the AA.

As I could have predicted, I had little sleep that night as my mind, preferring to be right rather than happy, found blame for the mechanic who said the car was fine, for my employer paying me late yet again, for bloody England being so difficult to live in, for the universe being so unfair, for me being so stupid and inept, for all the planned things we now couldn’t do and for every other injustice and misery that had ever befallen me.

My ego had a ball! However, as I worked through a grievance, gave it to God, returned to peace, had another hissy fit, gave it to God, returned to peace, had another blast at the universe, gave it to God, returned to peace … as each grievance came and went, the moments and depth of peace grew and grew until there was nothing left but stillness and acceptance.

You see, some people believe in a thing called The Secret, which is that everything in our lives is there because of our thoughts. It is a stepping stone to a greater awareness that everything in our lives just is*. We colour every person, place, thing and event with whatever colours and feelings we choose. Some people like pubs; some don’t. Some people like soccer; some don’t. Some people like snakes; some don’t. Pubs, soccer and snakes simply are. It’s each one of us that give them the labels of great, awful, fun, boring, dangerous, beautiful and so on.

It was Anna and I who gave Wales the label of beautiful on our first trip. It was Anna and I who gave the label of calamity to a non-going car.

When I returned, again and again, to the state of peace, I was able to see with a new experience of clarity that a drive into Wales and a tow home on the back of three different AA vans was simply an event – no better, no worse than the previous trip.

Before we went on this second trip our English friends told us, with unbridled excitement (an unusual state for English people to be in!) what a beautiful and scenic place Pembrokeshire is and we were expecting an exceedingly amazing experience. Despite the unusually sunny day, the return to the seaside was, well, ordinary. Not bad or boring. Not good or amazing. Just the same feeling as driving into our local village. Not familiar or strange – just ordinary.

We were told that the fish and chips in Tenby were the best in Britain but, when we couldn’t find a fish and chip shop and returned to our room for wine and sandwiches, we were neither disappointed nor ecstatic. It’s just what we did.

Now, for most humans, the move away from drama, from the duality of exciting/disappointing, happy/sad, good/bad, fearful/beautiful is the worst calamity imaginable. For Anna and I it’s a life-long dream – to be unaffected by the winds of change, to retain the deep and abiding peace, despite the world’s best efforts to unseat us, to know the peace and joy in the heart of God while the insane world of duality thrashes about blindly and ineffectually.

Yes, I am losing it – I am losing the duality of a world at war with itself. I am losing the transitory fear, excitement, disappointment and buzz as a thrashing tree is stilled by the dying wind. I am learning to stand as a quiet willow, untouched by the raging river at my feet yet giving life and support to all around.

And, yes, I could have more ego moments of blame, judgement and self-flagellation. However, as I experience the peace and depth of God Within, I am more and more happy to give up the roller coaster ride on a trip to nowhere.

I am happy to give it all up! Amen.

* Just is = Justice