The unsung heroes of writing and publishing are the proof-readers and my shero is Anna - AWBERP* - with whom I could not be with out ... for more reasons than that she proof-reads my work before you see it. I'm also married to her and so she's my shero in many, many more ways than just for editing my writings. Let's stick with writing for now and in this I give a Great Big Thanks to Anna Bradbury ... the writer's shero!* Anna With Big Editing Red Pen ... of course!
And now, to continue with the perfectly-proofed story of Mary Collins, continued from yesterday ...
"No, no, not at all," said Sam, smiling and patting her hand. "No need for secrets here." As he said this she realised that the red velvet curtains were drawing themselves quietly together. As the alcove darkened, a light came on and, suddenly, between them, a small door opened and a solid barrel of a man squeezed himself through. Mary recognised him as Andrej the doorman, who, with his crewcut, could have passed as a bouncer at any London club. He closed the door and sat on the bench between them.
"So, Andrej, your brother is in trouble and wants to come here and start again? Like you did?" asked Sam quietly.
"Yes sir, he is good man and was in wrong place at wrong time," said Andrej in his thick Eastern European accent. "A bad man in Kutna Hora, near Prague, want to cover his tracks and so he accuse my brother of his deeds."
"And your brother - does he have some qualifications, some trade, some expertise that would recommend him to the British authorities?" asked Sam.
"Oh, yes, Dalek be champion wrestler like me and he be good, very good plumber, too," said Andrej, his eyes beseeching Sam's.
"Dalek? A plumber? Yes, we certainly need good plumbers here! You know we have the worst plumbing the world and we don't need any more English plumbers to make it worse. A shot of new plumbing blood is just what we need, Andrej, more hard-working, reliable Polish plumbers are just what we need. I will have a chat with a friend in the immigration business."
"Oh thank you, thank you, Mr Lord!" said Andrej.
"Shhh Andrej, please keep it quiet," said Sam evenly. "Now, do I have your number?"
"Ah yes, I have it written on paper here, Mr Lord," said Andrej, passing a piece of paper which Sam placed in his shirt pocket.
"Thank you Andrej. You need to get back to the door before you're missed," said Sam. "And you will hear from me very soon."
"Yes, it OK, Mr Henri look after door for me, but I go," said Andrej, standing. "Thank you from bottom of my heart, Mr Lord. Thank you so much." He disappeared back through the small door. Sam smiled uncertainly at Mary in the dim light of the alcove.
"So you're going to bypass the government system to ship this man to England … this Czech man who's in trouble with the law there …" said Mary, indignantly trying to put it all together.
"Yes I am, Mary, yes I am," said Sam firmly. "Andrej's had a chequered and abusive past and since he's been here he's been a model citizen and an asset to us all … in ways you don't yet understand."
"But it's illegal …" said Mary, still trying to get the information arranged neatly in her brain.
"Yes, it may well be but when the law's an ass, you've got to kick the ass in the ass and use other means to serve justice," said Sam as the curtain began to quietly slide back.
"But what do you know of this brother, this alleged innocent in trouble with the Czech law?" asked Mary, still aghast. "You might be getting yourself into great trouble too and …"
"Yes, I might be getting myself in trouble, Mary," said Sam, interrupting quietly. "But I'm taking a chance on behalf of a good and honest friend - something no immigration bureaucrat is ever going to do. Just don't judge too soon and I'm happy to tell you all when we have a little more time."
"But Sam, you can't just go …"
"Look Mary, do you remember before the last month's election, Michael Caine's latest movie came out?" asked Sam patiently.
"No," said Mary, puzzled by the change in direction.
"It was called Is Anybody There?," said Sam. "Anyway, floating round the hustings with our most probable prime-minister-to-be, David Cameron, was the normally apolitical Michael Caine."
"Ah, yes, I remember that. He was promoting Cameron's Youth Citizen Service Plan," said Mary.
"And did you hear what Mr Caine said about the Youth Citizen Service Plan?" asked Sam.
"No, I didn't, actually," said Mary.
"And nor did most people, actually," said Sam with a smile. "He just wandered round in front of the cameras, looking dastardly handsome and, when asked for a comment, talked mostly about his new movie. And you know what? That movie was the highest grossing British movie at that time."
"Oh," said Mary, putting the pieces together.
"Now, it was probably a very good movie and maybe our Mr Caine did, indeed, have a heart for the youth of this fair land," said Sam. "And no one's done anything illegal or immoral - we're all just trying to help ourselves and help those we respect and like."
"But that's not the same," said Mary, defiantly. "You're trying to break the law."
"No I'm not, Mary," said Sam patiently. "A chap I know in immigration will sift through things and find where the law supports our case and Andrej's brother will be free to enter England openly and legally."
"But he should apply like everybody else," said Mary, determined to be right.
"Well, maybe he should," said Sam. "But I know Andrej and I know he wouldn't pester me if the situation wasn't both real and urgent."
"But what if everyone tried to slide round the law for their friends?"
"They always have and they always will, Mary," said Sam, leaning back with his second whisky in hand. "Cardinal Wolsey was only able to afford his massive digs at Hampton Court because he got things done for Henry VIII, 500 years ago. And then he lost it because he couldn't get the Roman Catholic church to agree to Henry marrying Anne Boleyn. We've been doing each other favours, big and small, ever since time began and we'll continue to do them."
"But it seems so unfair to some people," said Mary.
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